yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
