sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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