girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
