he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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