the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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