girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
