and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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