Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
