I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
