every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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