The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
