you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
