It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
