making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
