I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
birth control should be required to get into college
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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