the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
