I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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