halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
