Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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