go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize