you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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