I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
