So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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