You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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