I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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