Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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