My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
