You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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