No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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