does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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