Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
