The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Mom said you looked used
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
