I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I could fuck to npr.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
