Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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