Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
