a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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