when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
