id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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