Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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