Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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