We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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