I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
