a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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