I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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