mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
