He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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