so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
