You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize