He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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