Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
