I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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