dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All the doctor said was why
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize