I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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