i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
