I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
