you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
