Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
