Where did you get a picture of my penis
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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