i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
