i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
