i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
