hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
