Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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