Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
