I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found puke in my bra..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
