a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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