I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
