tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
