I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
